REFLECTIONS FROM THE FIELD

Below please find quotes from the actual log entries of the 2004 Spencer W. Perkins Fellows. We tried to include a mix of quotes to collectively and adequately reflect the broad range of issues that Perkins Fellows faced during the Fellowship term.

We can either spend time categorizing our differences or we can learn to appreciate each other’s differences and learn from them. The worse thing we can do to other people is to put them in boxes and stereotypes and approach them that way…because we do not give them a chance to be anything else other than our perception of them. In some ways, I feel like I have been treated unjustly by my friends and all of the people who have warned my about this city and the people here. I feel like I am unable to embrace them at this point because I’ve been guarding myself from the stereotypes in my mind.

I have yet to see another Asian face or one that represents another race group besides white or black since my arrival. Although it was something that I expected, I could not help but be surprised by it. It is something that I am very not used to and it kind of astonished me . . . I have not yet figured out what I am supposed to do with my obvious difference. I am, however, optimistic that I will be able to bring a different perspective, a different insight to the table, but I have not yet figured out what that is or how I can do so. I really hope and pray that I can learn to address these issues as the weeks go on.

The people here live amongst the crimes as if it is a natural event---like rain or thunder or even lightening. It has also been an interesting experience living amongst the crimes of this city. I have never been so close to drug-deals, gunshots, air pollution, prostitution, and just depravity in general. Some of the kids in the south part of the city have developed asthma because of the poor air quality, but that’s all they have ever known, so it naturally becomes a part of their lives…using an inhaler because they can’t breathe on their own.

Today, when Abbie and I went on our routes, it was such a God thing that we stopped at this one girl’s house named Jessica. She stuck her head out of a broken window when we knocked and told us that her mom had gone to Mexico and she was all alone. I asked her if she needed anything—like food—and she told me that she didn’t’ have any food—only eggs! This girl is only 12 years old!! ….so we decided to take her back to our house with us and now she’s going to spend the night at the intern house.….I’m glad God led us to her house.

This weekend I went through the poverty simulation to know really what it is like to be a poor person. We had to dress as poor people, learn to budget a small amount of money, and lived in hard conditions. Although it was a tough situation that took a lot of energy, the learning experience that it provided was irreplaceable. The things I learned and went through in that simulation will make me a lot more understanding about the people that I am working with and will help to work better in general. Also, poverty simulation helps me to be more thankful for the basic things that I have in my own life.

The girls at camp love to play with white people's hair. They were telling me today not to cut my hair. My roommate, Jess, told me that they've told her that too, and that it's because they think white people's hair is "good" hair and that their hair is "bad" hair. I'm saddened that they have this value system. How subtly the white-directed media influences the self-worth of young Af. Am. girls. I'm sad that these girls believe that their own beautiful, God-created hair is bad.

I was surprised by the answer a boy gave me when I asked where he had learned to hit the other children back. He responded by saying his mother had taught him if someone hits him, he is supposed to hit back. I was caught off guard with that response because I was at a loss for what to say about why he shouldn't be hitting the other children. It is a difficult situation to have one person telling the child they need to walk away from the physical confrontations and then their parents teaching them to not leave without defending themselves.

The mothers raise most of these kids in single-parent families, mostly because their fathers are either in jail, on the run, dead, or they could care less. These mothers have been left to fend for themselves and they have managed to support their child. So, what these girls have been taught is how to be strong independent black women. They are taught that they are strong, that they will be able to make it on their own, that they don’t need help from anyone, that if anyone steps over them to stand up for themselves, and that they need not to take nonsense from anyone (which is all pretty visible in their mannerism and interaction with the boys). Their hearts have been scarred on the surface . . .yet the tenderness of their hearts from within is still very much evident and waiting to breakout from its suppression.